In which I become a drill sergeant

It has always been an aspiration of mine to write a wonderful book that everyone would love, and to start it with ''Once Upon A Time-'' .....
However, I'm afraid that this will be little more than just a few measly paragraphs, and not ones entirely fit to carefree ''once upon a times.'' I believe that once upon a times are only fit to dwell in the pages of those books which seldom fail to end in:
''And they all lived happily ever after, except for the evil villain or wolf, who were promptly put in prison, or bound to live the rest of their lives without eating or chasing bacon ever again.''
Or you know, something to that effect. However, those stories are just petty strung out fancies, whose point is to shield you from the unfortunate fact that wolves don't get put in prison on account of the terror they'd cause, and the fact that sure, you can tell a man he's banned from bacon, in fact, you can tell everyone and their mother, and tell the store clerks too, but men have ways of wheedling out of such things, like for instance, moving to Italy where no one has a clue that he was banned from bacon, and will offer him some anyway, to which he will triumphantly take it, not without an extremely smug look.

Okay. I'm sorry for dashing all your beautiful hopes just like that.
I'm pretty high strung today.
Probably due to the fact that its the middle of December and not a drop of snow do we have.

This actually has nothing to do with wolves or villains, and to you're utter surprise I'm sure, it also has not a thing to do with bacon or rebels who run off to Italy either, for that matter.
It has however, everything to do with people.
Just people.
And other things, but mainly people.
Why do people have to be so unsatisfied?
Its annoying.
OH I know what we should do today! LETS GO GET A NOSE JOB!
Well I pity you.
Now I don't much like my own nose, but I prefer it to a plastic substitute.
''ohhh I'm too fat.''
SO GO LOSE WEIGHT.
gee. It really isn't that hard.
Okay so I have a fast metabolism lol..
BUT SERIOUSLY.
Just put your mind to it, that's what its for.
TO USE.
sigh.
People everywhere trying to be perfect when what they don't know is that they are, on account of because God made them.
And no one could have done a better job.
FRANKLY I don't care if you think I'm being too hard on any one of you.
APPARENTLY everyone needs a drill sergeant like me, because NO ONE is completely happy with what they have.
So go be the best you can be.
Forget the nose jobs and the fact that your legs are shorter than your neighbors or whatever.
In case you haven't noticed, with the exception of Americas Next Top Model, NO ONE CARES
that you nose appears larger than some, or that your legs are shorter, or that your eyes are too little. HEY. Maybe you should be grateful that you have a big nose, because there are some wonderful things out there to smell, and it only means that you can take in more of it than others. In some cases such as skunks and stinky diapers, its not so wonderful. But all you have to do is cover it!
Amazing, I know.
The people who matter, are not going to care about any of that. The people who do, aren't worth your time.
Everyone, just go be happy, because you're awesome and wonderful and blah blah blah, PLUS you're YOU. And if you weren't, who else would be? So don't try to change that.
At least there's one thing we can all count on, so DON'T WORRY, young women! With age and experience you'll soon have the same thing between your breasts that OLDER women have . . . YOUR NAVEL!!

I'll leave you on that comforting thought.-